Return to work

So I have officially worked two days. One on Monday, one on Wednesday and now work tomorrow, Friday. I have to say, it actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Being able to have Jarrod take Delilah to daycare I think helped. Actual work was interesting. It surprised me how much I actually remember. It is like riding a bike. It never changes really. They are still sick babies. There are still heartbreaking stories. The only changes are computer issues and just politics. Day two was even easier. I think tomorrow will be even easier, as long as she sleeps okay. She seems to sleep really well after coming home from the day care, not so much on my days off. Back to the grind and realize that I am meant to be a bedside nurse and mom not a stay at home mom all the time.

Two months

Okay even though Delilah actually turned 2 months on Monday, I couldn't feel like I could post a blog about it until I had her 2 month check, which was today, so here we go. As I look back over the last two months it is hard to believe what has happened. Our world, and our life has turned upside down. Something I have always wanted is here and I am amazed. However, today as I sit and type at one in the morning I can't help but feel some sadness. No one likes to talk about it but I am going to discuss the little bit of disappointment I am feeling. I knew having a baby is difficult. I knew there would be long nights and many tears shed. I knew that there will always be something to worry about when you have a baby, but nothing prepared me for the world of Colic! I imagined being able to set a schedule, to have a period of a nap in the morning and a nap in the afternoon. I imagined rocking a baby to sleep around bedtime and reading her a story as she slowly drifted off to sleep and slowly lying her in the crib as I kiss her head goodnight. Well in these two months, I have yet to read her a story. I have yet been able to have a reliable bedtime routine. She of course has no concept that anything is wrong. I never thought that I would dread the "bewitching" hour of 4pm. I never thought I would dread the evening and question when I will be able to lay her to sleep. I never thought I would feel blessed to be in bed by two am. I never thought I would let my baby cry for some hours on end, and be okay with the fact. I never thought I would be happy that I can have her fuss and cry for 8 hrs rather than have a balistic cry for twenty minutes. I never pictured this world. However, tonight as she feel asleep and was in bed before midnight I find myself frustrated and unable to sleep with the lack of energy exerted to put her to bed. So how confusing is that? But even as I complain about the horrible world of colic, would I trade any of it to go back to life without her... simply put, no. It still amazes me how perfect she is. I can't believe that Jarrod and I created such a beautiful being from our love for each other. As she sleeps peacefully in her crib (most likely from the Tylenol givento her due to her shots) I can't help but be amazed and find myself wanting to just pick her up and stare at her (which I will not do for fear of waking the colic within her).

So now the goods. She is healthy. She has great head control and is starting to want to stand (with much support) rather than sit. She officially weighed 12 pounds 14 ounces, up from 7 lbs 5ounces at birth! She is in the 91 percentile. He length was 21 3/4 inches putting her in the 21 percentile so she is solid but short, takes after Dad I guess. Her head remains in the 78 percentile growing to 15 3/4 inches. She got her "lovely" shots and did quite well being swaddled in a blanket during her shots. She likes her Tylenol and has slept well but has not eaten well. I don't think she will starve though. The doctor says she is healthy and he had no concerns. About one week prior to her next visit (in two months) we get to try rice cereal, yeah!

So, now I am try to stay in the moment and enjoy this time because the time goes fast as apparent by the last two months, but I can't help but wonder, when will she roll over? When will she crawl? Will she say dada first? Will she learn the baby sign sa we hope she will? I have to force myself to just enjoy the snuggles and the coos. Maybe I will go sneak in and hold that beautiful girl and remember how precious this time really is.

Roses...

Okay so the great debate of the day. As many know, I love roses. I always wanted to have a beautiful rose bush in my backyard that I can go smell the roses and look at their beauty. Well when we bought this house there were two bushes but neither of them actually had what I would have planted. I like the deep red long stemmed roses. Plants that have beautiful large red roses. Well I still decided to nurse them back to health and this year got just beautiful roses for a while, but then the baby came, and I ignored the roses. They grew wild and stopped blooming and now started to lose leaves and the leaves have turned yellow (a disease that effects roses). It created the great dilemma, do I leave my daughter to work in the yard, or stay with her? The more I think about it the more I feel like I am not a gardener. I don't like to weed. I don't like to prune the bushes. I don't find it relaxing. So which do I want more, to overcome weeding and pruning to get roses for maybe three or four months. Is it really worth it when I can go to the store and buy the roses I want when I want for maybe $6? I love spending time with my daughter rather than slaving away outside at a rose bush. So maybe it is time to just dig them up and plant something that doesn't need to be tended as much. Maybe just some grass....

So everyone can see...

Okay so not a lot of people have MySpace and since trying to send out emails all the time isn't working I thought "give this a try." So I also have included twitters, little blurps about what I am doing. So hopefully you enjoy...